you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want a musical about memes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
