I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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