I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
