It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
