I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
