Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
