p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize