Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
