New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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