its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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