he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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