You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
