K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
