Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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