Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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