god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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