oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
