Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i have two assholes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
