They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
