just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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