the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
only you would photoshop your dick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
