Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
