some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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