Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
