i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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