why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize