ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
