He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
