Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
