drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
