I'm going to jail i love you
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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