Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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