Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
