So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize