i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
