I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
