Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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