so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
