Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
