I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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