I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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