Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
