If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
