He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
