im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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