I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
