Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
