dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
