so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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