I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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