I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this hospital has no fireball
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
