I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
