is your mom at the bar?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
