How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
