It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
