I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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