That reminds me...we need to get swords
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
