I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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