just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
