You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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