I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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