My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
