Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize