my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
