ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
