he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
