I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
