he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
