This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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