I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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