Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
