So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
operation have a gay friend backfired
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
