Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize