Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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