Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
