I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
