I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
