But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
