I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
