my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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