ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
