I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
