she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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