Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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